My Seventh Year
by Kailoa
Summary: (working title) A story of deflating, friendship, secrets, and falling in love. Lily Evans's seventh year at Hogwarts. R&R!
1. Lessons in 'I Love Yous'

**My Seventh Year** (temporary title)

This story is going to be a lot more serious that my other ones, I'm going to put more effort into it and there will be less fluffy bits. But I think it'll be good anyways. It's also a bit more mature that my other stories, which is why it's rated PG-13.

**Summary: **The Marauders' (and crew's) seventh year at Hogwarts, told through the eyes of a grown up Lily Evans.

**Rating:** PG-13, being cautionary. Sex is _mentioned_ in this chapter, nothing descriptive or anything though.

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**Chapter 1: Lessons in 'I Love Yous'**

Life is full of grief and pain, and people handle it in different ways. When my father died when I was twelve, I cried my eyes out for two months straight, and constantly questioned why it was him who had to go. Then my friend from school, Bridget, told me how she had lost both her parents in a car crash when she was eleven, and now lived with her grandmother, whom she hated. I realized I was lucky. I still had my mum, and my sister Petunia, ignoring the fact that Petunia now hated me.

Dad's death is the only reason I can find for Petunia hating me. She blames me for it, for not being there to fix him. You see, I am a witch. When I was eleven years old, I received a letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and _everyone_ in my family was thrilled, even Petunia. I'm sure she was somewhat jealous, I would have been too, but instead she just supported me, and hugged me tightly on Platform Nine and Three Quarters when I left for my first year.

"Petty, I don't want to go anymore... They won't like me."

"Of course they will, Chicky." Petunia assured me. "Why wouldn't they?"

Chicky. Petunia had called me that since I was two as a way of rebelling against our names, but since Dad died, I haven't heard it from her at all. Mum had a slight obsession with flowers, and named my sister and I accordingly. She was _Petunia_ Evans, and I was _Lily_ Marie Evans.

Dad's liver failed while I was at Hogwarts during my second year, just after Christmas. I had left three days earlier than usual to spend sometime with Bridget, who had stayed at Hogwarts for the holidays. Dad's condition _was_ one that could be cured with magic, but what Petunia didn't and refused to understand was that the sort of potion-brewing and magic needed was beyond NEWT level, and even if I had been there, I wouldn't have been much use.

While Petunia found solace in blaming me, Mum went crazy, and pulled out all her old hippie-clothes from the sixties, when Petunia and I were younger. She cleaned out the house of all things that fell into her 'consumer crap' category, which included the television, the radio, all of Petunia's fashion magazines, and most of our furniture. I had to beg quite profusely for her to keep the stove and refrigerator, and she conceded only after I pointed out that we needed a place to keep our food and something to cook it with. All our nice furniture was replaced with tacky old sofas Mum bought at a discount place, the kind you sunk into and couldn't get out of, the doors were replaced with beaded curtains (with the exception of our bedrooms), bean bags were scattered about the floor, and the entire house soon smelled of incense.

Mum went vegetarian and tried to convince Petunia and I to do the same. Petunia outright refused, but I agreed, only to please Mum. We ate soy products and organics, and meat, chocolate, and sweets were forbidden. My Mum became a genuine hippie, got hippie friends, and went to animal-rights and environmental protests every other week.

Aside from not being allowed to eat chocolate and not having my dad anymore, my life was good. At Hogwarts I excelled in all my classes (mostly with hard work, although I seemed to have a natural knack for Charms), and made good friends.

In my first year, I met Alice Prewett, known to most of the school as the younger sister of the infamous Prewett twins, Gideon and Fabian, who were five years older, both prefects, and extremely popular. She came into my compartment on the Hogwarts Express and timidly asked if I minded her sitting with me, and I said I didn't. It wasn't like anyone else was going to sit with me – I was a muggleborn, someone who didn't come from a Wizarding family. But that didn't bother Alice, in fact she found it quite interesting, as she was a pureblood, and asked me several questions (some of them rather stupid) about life as a muggle.

The thing about Wizarding society is they take background and family very seriously. Some pureblood Wizarding families believe that they're superior to half-bloods (one side of the family was muggle at some point) and muggleborns. They go as far as to say that muggleborns and half-bloods shouldn't be a part of the Wizarding world at all. Luckily, not all wizards are like that.

"Is it true that muggles don't have sweets?" Alice asked.

"Yes." I said deadpan, trying not to laugh at the look of horror that came across Alice's rosy round face.

"Really?" she asked, wanting to clarify. It was then that I broke out into laughter and she realized I had been joking. She had been 'taking the piss' as Alice put it, in her Geordie accent. That distinct accent was about the only physical aspect of Alice that really stood out, which was a pity, considering who unique she was inside. She was short, and her face was shrouded in blonde corkscrew ringlets that fell to about mid-neck, and her eyes were a soft blue.

This was a sharp contrast to me, with my deep red hair, pale complexion and green eyes. My eyes were the worst, a startling emerald green that dulled the rest of my face, but I loved them, because they were Dad's as well. I was also one of those girls who developed early, meaning I had boobs by the age of eleven and curves by the age of thirteen.

Posiana Sanchez, or 'Posy' as we called her, entered our compartment about half an hour later. She had been sitting with her older sister Maria, a fifth-year, until Maria's boyfriend had shown up wanting a snog.

Posy was my idea of perfect beauty – tall and leggy. She was Portuguese, and had the tanned complexion, dark hair and beautiful brown eyes to go with it.

And that was that. All three of us were sorted into Gryffindor, and by the end of my first year we were inseparable. Rather exclusive as well – Posy seemed to find anyone other that Alice, Sirius Black, or me a total waste of her time, which meant my friends were rather limited, but easily the best in the world.

My second year, Alice and I decided we _could_ be friends with people who Posy wasn't exactly fond of, and Posy encouraged it fully. Which was when I first began chatting with Bridget after she was sorted into Gryffindor at the Welcoming Feast. She was actually our age, and transferring from a school in America because she moved to England with her grandmother. I didn't press about living with her grandmother at that moment, because it seemed to be a bit of a sore topic, but Bridget and I related on several other things.

She was a half-blood and understood the kind of discrimination you came under, and we were both quidditch-obsessed. She also could sympathize with my about stand-outy looks, but unlike me, she embraced them. Her hair was raven black, highlighted with bright purple streaks, and fell down past her shoulders in layers. Her skin was a pasty while similar to mine, although she had a few freckles across her cheeks and bright blue eyes.

I soon introduced her to Alice and Posy, and within no time, our threesome became a foursome of accents. Living in Ireland for most of my life had given me a husky mix of an English and Irish accent, then Alice had her Geordie accent from living near the Scottish border, Posy had a slight Portuguese one from living in Portugal in the summer, and Bridget's American accent rounding it up.

Up until my dad died, I always thought my friends were great, but it was afterwards that I learned how amazing they truly were. I got the letter from Mum the afternoon he was admitted to the hospital, saying to come home, as Dad was feeling quite ill, and I did, immediately. I packed my things and flooed home, but he was gone by the time I got there.

Only two days after it happened, right after they found out, Alice and Bridget were at my door. They had broken about twenty school rules by deciding to come and flooing from Professor McGonagall's office without permission while she was overseeing Sirius and Posy's detention. Bridget opened up to me about her parents, how they had died in a car crash that summer, and how she was living with her 'miserable old bat of a grandmother'. Alice hugged me constantly and baked me rhubarb pie even though she had chided me the year before about liking it. Posy joined us a day later, after receiving a letter from Bridget about where she and Alice were.

At the funeral, Bridget and Alice held my hands while Posy gave my arm quick squeezes and offered tissues whenever I began to cry. They listened to me talk about all the great things about my dad, and put up with me constantly crying. All three stayed for another fortnight before they received a summons from Professor Dumbledore, asking for them to return to school. I joined them a few days later.

My second year was also marked with the beginning of the Marauders, a group of troublemakers who enjoyed pulling (relatively harmless) pranks, chatting up girls, and generally doing anything against the rules. James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew made up the illustrious foursome that no one had any doubt would go down in Hogwarts history. It was my luck that all four Marauders were in Gryffindor, and I could only be thankful that they were all boys and I didn't have to share a dormitory with them as well. It wasn't that I didn't mind them, in fact, most of their antics were quite funny, but by third year they were extremely popular, and their heads (aside from Remus Lupin's) had swelled to such an insufferable size that they seemed to think themselves above everyone else.

They hexed people for _fun_. Even first-years, who had no way of protecting themselves! James Potter was the worst of them all – handsome, charming, a quidditch prodigy, and ringleader of the little group. He was constantly playing with a snitch, and running his hand through his hair to make it look all windswept, as if he'd just stepped off a broom. He could have any girl at Hogwarts – and he knew it. Aside from Remus, who I grew close to, I loathed them all.

This wasn't exactly helpful for James, who took an odd liking to me, and was constantly asking me out, either that or yelling at me when I stood up to him. But I had to. Aside from Bridget or Alice, I was the only one who would. I wasn't sure why, but the Marauders had some kind of magnetism that drew people to them. James and Sirius were the most sought after boys at Hogwarts by our fourth year. It was somewhat understandable, as both boys fitted the 'tall, dark, and mysterious' profile. What utterly confounded me was how girls who dated them actually _stayed_ with them after learning how repulsive they were inwardly.

After second year my life quieted down considerably. I was still inseparable with Alice, Bridget and Posy, I still hated the Marauders, James still asked me out, and James and I still argued constantly.

In fifth year, I was given an excuse to argue with him – I was made prefect. I don't know why I _wanted_ to argue with him so much – I guess I liked the look of disbelief that crossed his face when he realized someone was actually going against him. I liked how it punctured his swollen head, if only for a second. And he was always up to some kind of trouble, so I could always ask. Of course, he would ask me out any moment he could, and I would hurl an insult at him in response.

Life continued on, and in sixth year, I got my first real boyfriend. His name was Amos Diggory, and he was absolutely perfect. Unlike James and Sirius, who were now shooting through girls so quickly they had a new one every week, Amos was respectful, loving and sweet. He'd write me little love notes at the beginning of every week, saying how much he loved me and how amazing I was. I was sixteen, insecure, and flattered. Alice found a boy who would brave the wrath of the Prewett twins in Frank Longbottom, who, aside from his unfortunate last name, was quite a nice guy and obviously mad for Alice. Even Bridget found a boyfriend, Remus Lupin, the only one of the Marauders I could stand and my fellow Gryffindor prefect. When she told us, I remember being somewhat shocked, as I had always seen Bridget with Sirius if she were to date one of the Marauders. Posy was unperturbed by our coupling up, and continued dating in Marauder fashion, referred to by Alice as the 'do-and-ditch' method.

When Amos first asked me to be his girlfriend, I was ecstatic. Not only was he perfect, but I figured now that I was officially off the market, Potter, as I now called him, would lay off and stop asking me out. I was poorly mistaken. The following week after Amos and I officially became boyfriend and girlfriend, Potter stepped up his act. _Every_ time I was in the same room as him, he'd ask me to go out with him. He would send me flowers, and he hexed Amos on several occasions. It was until I threatened to take away three hundred house points for his behavior that he finally cooled it down a bit. He didn't stop, but at least he didn't make it as public. He waited for the moments we were alone, like when I tutored him in Arithmancy.

"Evans, why do you fancy Diggory?"

"Evans, come on, go out with me."

And every time I just ignored him and continued talking about whatever I had been previously, or something to do with the value of Egyptian numerals. "So Egyptian numerals have twice the value than that of Moorish numerals, meaning they're of higher groupings." I'd say, as if he hadn't said a word.

Sixth year ended with me screaming at James for being such a prat – he'd hexed yet another first year, and Alice and Bridget dragging me off with the help of Remus and Amos. Life is full of grief and pain, and it seemed that James Potter would be the pain (in my arse) for at least another year, my seventh and final year at Hogwarts, which would turn out to be one of the best and worst years of my life.

"D'you think love exists?" Alice asked as she flipped through Witch Weekly with glazed eyes.

We were sitting in the compartment that we had claimed as 'ours' on the Hogwarts Express, heading towards Hogwarts for our final year. Alice and Posy were both in their school robes already and flipping through magazines, while Bridget and I, in our muggle clothes we'd worn to the station were playing 'Spit' with muggle cards. I have to admit I'd stayed in my muggle clothes so I could show them off to Amos before school. Despite my curves, which I hated almost as much as I hated James Potter, I was slim and average height, and my new blue jeans looked fabulous on my legs. I had begged Mum for half an hour to get them, but they were worth it. Paired with my wrinkled green spaghetti strap tank top I'd had since fourth year, a gauzy white see-through long-sleeved top, and Bridget's black leather platform boots (which I'd borrowed since Mum wouldn't let me buy some), Posy, Alice and Bridget agreed with me. I did look fab.

And since I was normally somewhat grunged up around Amos, I thought it would be a nice treat to see me looking nice. Plus, I wanted to surprise him with my big news – I was Head Girl. And since he was a prefect, chances were high that either he or Remus would be Head Boy.

"No." Posy said shortly, not bothering to look up from her magazine and blowing some hair from her face.

"Why not?" Alice replied defensively, looking at Posy, quite ready to argue.

"It's a stupid concept. Someone you want to spend the _rest_ of your life with? That's at least another sixty years. Wouldn't you get sick of someone by then? And love's all about caring for someone so much you'd die for them and shite. Why bother with relationships when you can get the perks of one for nothing?" Posy replied evenly, still not bothering to look up.

Of course, Posy was referring to sex. It was a commonly known fact that Posy wasn't a virgin, but Alice, Bridget and I had preferred to remain silent on that particular topic. I was a virgin, and quite happy being one. Posy gushed about it so openly that I now knew to look for blisters, pus, and other indications of disease before 'letting him in' and several other facts I wish I hadn't heard. Amos and I were quiet content snogging thank-you very much.

Alice flushed slightly, as she did whenever Posy mentioned sex. She'd grown up in conservative pureblood house where that sort of thing wasn't mentioned and you were meant to wait until marriage. My mum, on the other hand, had decided to give me a talk of sorts just this summer.

It had been hot and hazy all week, and the house was stifling as fans reminded Mum of consumerism. I'd been up in my room, trying not to die of heatstroke and writing to Bridget, asking her to come round later, when Mum called me down. We sat on the beanbags in the sitting room, and she put her hand on my arm.

"Sweetheart," she'd said softly, "I'd like to have a chat about what's been going on with your body. Now everyone goes through a point where they become a woman and get urges... It's perfectly normal to experiment and have fun... But men can be chauvinistic pigs, and... Oh, picture your virginity as a _flower_, and a boy _can_ be _pesticide_ that will kill the flower... Sometimes it's best until the flower finds the plant it wants to spend the rest of its life with before it pollinates..." I'd never been more embarrassed in my life, and I think it was the one time I'd seen my mother uncomfortable since she started her whole hippie routine.

"_I_ think love _does_ exist. I mean, people _do_ get married you know." Alice protested.

"But they also get divorced." Bridget pointed out. "Wait a minute... You think you're in love with Frank. Is that what this is all about?"

Posy looked up with interest and Alice squirmed in her seat. "Err... well he sent me a letter yesterday, and at the end, he wrote 'I love you.' And so you know..."

"Alice! That is fab!" Posy gushed, causing the rest of us to look on in confusion.

"I thought you said love _didn't_ exist." I said slowly.

"Yeah, well it does when a lad says it first!" Posy said in some exasperation, as if it were common knowledge.

"Really?" Alice asked, looking hopeful.

"'Course!" Posy beamed. Alice looked really pleased, but Bridget and I held our blank looks. Posy sighed in frustration. "_Jeez guys_! Obviously, when a girl says it first, the lad gets all afraid of commitment and s'normally scared off. But when a lad says it first, that means he's actually serious."

I glanced down at my muggle watched and smiled inwardly. It was twenty to twelve, and I was glad to escape this talk of love. I was quite sure I wasn't in love with Amos, and Alice was surely about to admit her undying love for Frank, meaning I was expected to next.

Bridget looked at me questioningly as I stood.

"Head meeting." I explained, before leaving the compartment and walking to the compartment reserved for Head students at the front of the train. Back when we were first years, Alice and I had sat at the front of the train and glanced once or twice at the door with curiosity. It was always closed and protected with a password, and the only way I knew it was the Heads' Compartment was that is was written across the door in golden letters. I knew about the password because Professor Dumbledore had given me one in my letter this year. It was quite long for a password, and as I look back now I'm quite sure that Dumbledore left secret meaning in it.

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." I said clearly to the door, which in response slid open to admit me. As soon as I stepped in, the door slid closed behind me, and I decided then that all the hard work and studying I had put into being a prefect was well worth it now. The compartment was at least three times larger than a regular one, and outfitted with chairs similar to the plush ones in Gryffindor Tower and a table to work at. The room was draped in red and gold, meaning that, to my disappointment, Remus Lupin was Head Boy. They wouldn't have decorated in only Gryffindor colours if the Head Boy was from a different house, and Amos was from Hufflepuff.

Then I sat down in one of the chairs and waited. After about twenty minutes, I started to get a little anxious. I was wasting my time for Amos to see me in my outfit, get changed, and help the first years. The Head Boy and I were due to talk with the prefects in five minutes, and I didn't know who he was!

Hastily I drew up some rough plans for patrols, passwords, and other things for the Prefect meeting, before deciding to meet the prefects without him.

The Prefect Compartment was just across the corridor, and when I entered, it was already quite full. It was decorated in white and purple, two neutral colours, and had rows of five chairs running toward the back of the room. There was a small podium at the front for the Head students to stand at.

When Amos caught my eye, he winked appreciatively and I gave a quick smile back before calling the room to order. I assumed I was correct in my guess that Lupin was Head Boy, as he was absent from the meeting.

"Hello, everyone. My name is Lily Evans and I'm Head Girl this year." I said confidently with a warm smile. Some of the fifth-year prefects smiled back, all the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff prefects clapped, and the Slytherin prefects scowled.

I didn't mind though, I had expected it. Slytherin was the darkest house at Hogwarts, and many wizards of the anti-muggle variety were proud members of the house of the serpent. I didn't mind, they could think what they wanted and could go screw themselves.

"I've made a rough schedule for patrol time slots and I'd like you to fill in the times that are best for you before I make an finished schedule for the rest of the year. You can of course, swap – " I was interrupted by the compartment door sliding open forcefully, and banging loudly against its hinges.

There, in the doorway stood Remus Lupin, breathing heavily, and behind him, the taller figure of James Potter. From the corner of my eye I could see some of the sixth-year prefects fixing their hair as they too, realized who it was.

"Remus." I greeted as politely as possible, although there was a hint of irritation in my tone. "So glad you could make it."

"Sorry, Lily." Remus apologized immediately. "I fell asleep on the train, and James here isn't good with time. I assume you're Head Girl?"

I nodded. "Care to join the meeting?"

Remus grinned and took a seat in the front row, much to my confusion. What was he doing sitting there? Why was James Potter still standing in the doorway? A tiny suspicion was itching at the back of my mind. Was _James Potter_ Head Boy? I mentally convinced myself that no, he couldn't be. James had easily broken half the school rules, was third in the most detentions _ever_, and was the farthest away from a rule-abiding role-model than anyone in the school, aside from Sirius Black of course.

My suspicion turned into a nightmare when James stepped into the compartment and I got a glance at his chest, where a silver 'Head Boy' badge was pinned proudly. The room was instantly filled with "Congratulations, James!" from all the girls, and nods from the boys.

James joined me at the front of the podium and allowed me to speak for the rest of the meeting, until I dismissed the prefects. Amos gave me a quick wave and mouthed 'see you later' before slipping out the door. And then I was alone, with James Potter.

"Sorry I was late, Lily. I really am horrible with time." James said automatically, almost looking sincere. That only heightened my suspicions though, and I scowled.

"How in bloody hell did _you_ get Head Boy?" I demanded.

James shrugged. "I was just as surprised as you are. Looking nice today by the way, Evans."

I glared at him and began gathering my parchments, keen to head back and vent out to Posy, Alice and Bridget. "Find out when quidditch practices are scheduled so that prefects on teams can work patrols around them, will you?" I asked, though it wasn't a question, it was an order.

"Sure." James agreed. I quickly made my way toward the door. "Wait, Lily!"

I turned to face him and got a really good look at him. He was taller than I remembered, and he seemed to be holding himself differently as well. "Yes?" I asked impatiently.

"I really am going to take this Head Boy thing seriously, Lily. I promise. I'll do it for you." James was beginning to babble and it was clear he had no idea what he was saying.

"Why is that?" I asked snippily.

"Because I love you." He answered solemnly.

"You don't know the _meaning_ of love!" I protested angrily. How _dare_ he say such a thing to me?

"Yes, I do Lily, and I know that I love you, if you'd just give me a chance – " he pleaded.

My hardened face fell for a moment, and I looked at him in shock, before turning on my heel and heading back to my compartment. How could he have the _nerve_ of saying something like that?

Dad had always told me that love was something special, and that you should only use that word when you knew it was true. Potter was obviously delusional and was tossing around the word around like it was nothing. But to me, it was. When I decided to say 'I love you' to a boy for the first time, I wanted to truly mean it, and I wanted him to truly mean it when he said it in return.

I was so busy thinking of ways to kill James Potter and make it look like an accident that I collided into Amos without even realizing; until papers were fluttering down around me and Amos and I were lying on the floor in shock.

"Sorry Lily!" He said automatically, jumping to his feet and collecting my papers. I stood up stiffly and gave a weak smile.

"It was my fault. I wasn't watching where I was going." I said, taking my papers from Amos. Amos smiled.

"Yeah. You seemed pretty upset when you found out who the Head Boy was."

"Can you _believe_ it? I mean honestly, he wasn't even a _prefect_!"

"It's not unheard of that a Head Boy or Girl wasn't a prefect before hand. Just uncommon." Amos reasoned. "Did I mention how gorgeous you look today?"

I blushed and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks."

"No, really Lily, this summer I realized how much you mean to me." Amos said seriously. I didn't like the sound of this. "I realized how beautiful you are, inside and out, and I realized... that I love you."

I was stunned. Amos and I had been dating for about eight months now, yes, but I hadn't seen him for two of those months and I was sure that I didn't love him yet. I smiled awkwardly. "Thanks."

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**Please review and let me know if this story should continue!!**


	2. I'm Not Perfect

**My Seventh Year (temporary title) **

**At the moment, this fic is becoming something to write when I'm stuck with what to do on my other stories, i.e. Sirius's Top Ten (the next chapter is being written after this), and I'm really enjoying writing it. Thanks to californiagurl and Liabee who reviewed. :)**

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**Chapter 2: I'm Not Perfect**

Avoiding people is very hard to do, especially, I find, when they're in the same house and/or year as you at Hogwarts. After my incidents with both James and Amos on the train, I avoided them like the plague. Quite frankly, I wouldn't have minded talking to James so I could shove it in his face and tell him what a complete arse he was, but Amos was another story. I was quite sure that 'Thanks' wasn't the response he was looking for when he told me he loved me.

As I sunk onto the bench at the Gryffindor table for breakfast three days later, what I had been dreading occurred. And I definitely wasn't ready. I'd only pulled myself out of bed about ten minutes ago and jumped into the shower. My hair was wet and pulled up into a messy loose bun, I hadn't bothered to put on any make-up, and I was wearing an old sweater of Petunia's. I was half-asleep, but I caught his eye unintentionally and he began to make his way toward me.

Then it was like the whole world slowed down, as Amos marched purposefully toward me. Posy caught my look of anguish and swiveled in her seat to see Amos. And then she frowned, as I hadn't told her about my encounter with the 'L' word, she'd been out with Sirius. Alice knew though and she gasped as she looked up to see Amos behind me.

He tapped on my shoulder gently, and I turned to see him towering over me, with a calm, collected look that hid any emotion. That's the one thing I hated about my perfect Amos. I could never tell what he was thinking.

"Sweet pea? Can I talk to you for a minute?" He asked quietly, his tone polite and formal.

I opened my mouth, trying to formulate some kind of excuse that was actually plausible. Though it's nothing to be proud of, I am an _amazing_ liar. I never lie to Bridget or Alice, because they can always tell, but for the rest of the world, if I'm in trouble or feeling uncomfortable, I lie. When I borrowed my uncle's car (without permission) over the holidays to go visit Bridget at her grandma's, I didn't have enough money to replace the petrol I'd used. So when Mum asked if I'd borrowed the car, I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Why no, Mum, I haven't. Maybe it was Petunia?"

When you know you'll be in trouble if you tell the truth, if you lie, you have a fifty percent chance of _not_ getting in trouble. I'd prefer to try not getting in trouble, but as Alice reminds me constantly, it's a bad habit, so I'm trying to stop. _Trying_ being a key word in that sentence.

"Actually, no, Lily promised she'd help me with my Potions essay." Bridget interrupted quickly, seeing I was at some loss of words.

"Potions?" Amos repeated quizzically. "Isn't Potions first?"

"Well excuse me for being a lazy arse." Bridget replied, pretending to look offended but twisting the look with a wild grin.

Thank God for Bridget. Technically she wasn't lying anyways, she _did_ want my help with Potions. Just not the essay we were handing in today, but the essay due next week. I'd already helped her with this week's one.

"I'll help you with Potions, Bee." Remus offered kindly as he sat down next to Bridget and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. I was quite ready to lean across the table and throttle Remus with my bare hands, but I contained myself by thinking how mad Bridget would be if I actually killed him.

"Perfect!" Amos said brightly, ignoring my look of extreme disappointment.

Before Alice or Bridget could object, he took my hand and led me from the hallway. Each step we took, I could feel my heart sinking lower and lower. His hand felt clammy and rough in mine, causing me to frown down at it. It looked the same. His fingers were short and stubby but his fingernails were well kept, and he wore the commitment rings he'd bought for both of us last year (he'd had to get his ring enlarged to fit) on his index finger.

As soon as he stopped, I slid my hand out from his and stuck it in my pocket. For some reason, today Amos's hands were just _really_ unappealing.

"So, sweet pea, I wanted to talk to you about what happened on the train." Amos began with a smile, the caused his cheeks to look like they were swallowing his eyes. "But you've been quite hard to find lately and - "

"I've been busy!" I interrupted brightly. "Head Girl duties and such!"

There was another complete lie. Aside from standing up and giving a small wave as Dumbledore announced who would be serving as Head Girl and Head Boy this year, I'd been asked to and done nothing. And people say I'm organized.

"Oh." Amos said slowly, his eyes inspecting my face slowly, as if he could actually pick out whether I was telling the truth. After dating for more than eight months, you'd think he would have some idea, but he really didn't. "Well, about what I said?"

"_What_ about you said?" I asked, my voice shooting up two octaves.

"I want to know where we stand, Lily." Amos said, rather sternly, clutching my upper arms with his sweaty hands. You could tell he _really_ wanted an answer, as he only used my first name when he was mad.

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently, giving him a confused smile.

"I mean I want to know how you feel about me." Amos replied patiently, though his face kept the same, stern I'm-here-for-an-answer look.

"Oh." I said softly, looking up at him with wide eyes. Another thing I loved about my eyes was their ability to make me look so innocent and confused. "Look Amos, I care for you, I really do…"

"But?" Amos persisted.

I sighed. "Well, I'm just not sure that I _love_ you." I was an excellent liar and I could be brutally honest as well, what a combination.

"Do you think you ever will, Lily?" Amos asked quietly. "Love me?"

That was one of those situations where it was better to lie. I lied, Amos was happy and I could buy myself some time. I told the truth, which at that point was that I didn't know, and he would feel hurt and rejected and I would feel like the scum of the earth.

"Err…" I began awkwardly; wishing a hole in the floor would open up and swallow me. "I don't know."

I had to be honest with him so he knew where we stood, and it would help my truth-telling habit to begin. Amos looked quite shell-shocked, and his grip on my arms loosened considerably.

We stood there for a few silent moments, the quiet rumbling of the students chatting away in the Great Hall in the background. I was still willing the earth to open up and swallow me, and Amos looked like he was concentrating on what I had just said.

"What do you mean, you don't _know_?" Amos asked finally in exasperation. I jumped slightly.

"Err… I don't know?" I repeated.

"How can you not know?!" His voice shot up about three octaves, making him sound like a little boy who was about to throw a temper tantrum.

"I like you, Amos, I really do, but I can't guarantee that I'll ever love you." I explained calmly, trying to hide my laughter at his high-pitched voice.

"Why not?" Amos asked incredulously, his voice still high-pitched, making it hard not to laugh or at least crack a smile.

"Well, I can't guarantee my feelings, Amos. I mean, in a few years I might not find you as attractive…" I found myself looking at his hands, which were still lightly clutching my arms.

"How do you feel now?" Amos asked trying to catch my eyes, which were now wandering about the hall, looking at anything and everything except Amos. Lord I was cruel. Gathering my courage quickly, I looked him straight in the eyes, and realized they were a rather murky ugly brown. Like mud.

"I'm not sure." I answered honestly.

"Meaning…" Amos began, implying that I finish for him.

I took a deep breath. "I think we might have to take a break, Amos."

Amos's face almost literally fell apart. His jaw dropped to the floor, his eyes widened enough that I was worried they might pop out, and his hands dropped from my arms. "Pardon?"

"I think we need a break." I repeated, feeling much more confident. That was probably it, I figured. I was feeling the need for something new, but I would soon learn that Amos was the one for me, and then we would continue on in our happy, perfect relationship.

Amos was silent for a moment, looking down at his shoes before looking back at me. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could utter a word, the four Marauders strolled down the corridor.

James and Sirius led the pack, playfully shoving one another into the walls; Remus followed, grinning madly as he watched his psycho friends; and Peter brought up the rear, jogging along to keep up with his tall, long-legged friends.

"Evans!" James called cheerfully as he spotted me, looking up after being knocked into the wall by Sirius.

I gave him a contemplative look, raising an eyebrow as if I were considering whether to bother responding or not, before looking back to Amos, who was obviously deep in though, his mud brown eyes were clouded over.

"Evans!" James repeated joyously, as if I hadn't ignored him the first time.

I sighed in exasperation and turned to face him as he approached me. "Yes, Potter?"

I suppose I hadn't realized when how _much_ taller he was, he now towered over me, and if he had been mad at me, I'm quite sure I _might_ have been scared. But he was gazing at me, hazel eyes twinkling.

"We need to discuss Head thingies." He stated simply.

I gave him a very poignant look. "Head _thingies_?"

"Yeah. Prefect schedules and stuff. I found out when the practices are…" he said slowly, as if I were dumb.

My eyes widened. "Shit! Right, okay." I glanced at Amos, who was still looking forlorn, and even though we were technically broken up, I gave him a quick smile. "We can chat later, all right Amos?"

Amos nodded slightly.

"Did the perfect Lily Evans just say '_shit_'?" Sirius Black interrupted, looking shocked.

I scowled. "I believe I _did_ say shit, Sirius Black. Now _fuck_ off."

Before I could realize what I was doing, I grabbed James's hand and led him away from a very gob smacked Sirius and Amos. I don't think either of them had heard me swear before. James had heard me swear on several occasions, mostly at him.

The night before, Dumbledore had called James and I aside and told us how to get to the Head dormitories, if we wished to use them. Apparently there was a common room at our disposal as well, and I figured it would be a good place for James and I to discuss 'head thingies'.

Remembering that the dormitories were in a corridor near the South Tower, I led James there silently, unaware that I was still holding his hand. When we reached the appropriate location, I realized that a painting, much like the Fat Lady at Gryffindor Tower, must protect the dormitories.

"Oh hoy! Art thou a Head Student, or mine nemesis?"

I turned to see a painting of a boisterous-looking knight, with a fat gray pony. The knight was yelling at us. James grinned and bowed toward the painting.

"We be said Head Students, who might you be, oh brave knight?"

I snorted and rolled my eyes, but the knight didn't see my mockery.

"I am Sir Cadogan, guardian of the Head Student dormitories!" the knight, who I now knew was Sir Cadogan, replied nobly, returning James's bow. "This, my noble steed." He added, gesturing toward the fat pony, which whinnied in response.

"Nice to meet you, Sir Cadogan." I said politely, remembering my voice.

"Tis _my_ pleasure, milady. You are looking quite spiffy this afternoon." Sir Cadogan replied, causing James to grin like an idiot and me to wince and blush simultaneously. "What password would you wish?"

James leaned closer to me and whispered in my ear, his warm breath causing the hairs on the back of my neck to rise slightly.

"Does that make sense? 'What password would you wish'?"

I shrugged, and then realized our hands were entwined, and quickly pulled from his grasp and shoved my hand in my pocket. He had nice hands; soft but strong, and not sweaty. James seemed slightly disappointed by this action, but had a cool smile on his face anyways.

"What password would you wish?" repeated Sir Cadogan, obviously irritated by how long we were taking.

"Perfection." James replied.

Sir Cadogan bowed again, before the painting swung forward to reveal the Head common room, which was about half the size of the Gryffindor common room, but decorated in a similar sense. I guessed it was a lower level of the South Tower, as the room was circular, with one staircase running up to two doors, our optional bedrooms if we wanted to leave Gryffindor tower. The main room had a fireplace though, with the same crimson-coloured stuffed armchairs surrounding it, two desks and bookshelves, and a wizard's chess table. James let out a low whistle.

"Well if my room's anything like this, I'm living here from now on."

He grinned and climbed up the staircase, taking the steps two at a time. He paused at the landing and turned back to look at me quizzically.

"Aren't you going to look at your room?"

I shrugged stupidly, looking away from him to look about the common room. "Don't think so. I'll probably stay in the Tower either way, so there's no real point."

"You're not going to stay in the Tower just because of _me_, are you Evans?" James asked, catching my glance again, and surprising me by looking somewhat sincere and guilty.

"Err… no. I'd rather just stay with my friends." I answered. That was the partial truth, so I was working my way up to just the truth. I would miss my friends if I were to stay, and the fact that I'd be sharing living quarters with James Potter just made my decision to stay in the Tower even easier.

"Well, at least come and check out my room with me."

"Why?" I protested.

"So you can see what you're missing and hopefully decide to stay here instead." James replied simply.

"I won't anyways." I said, though I began my way to the staircase to join him anyways, to prove him wrong.

"Why not?"

"Because it would be awkward." I answered honestly, joining him at the top of the stairs, ignoring how close together we were (again) with so little room. There was one door on either side of us, both made of mahogany wood. The left door had 'James Potter' spelt across it in golden letters, the right door had my name in the same script.

"Between us?" James asked incredulously.

I nodded, giving him a look that said I obviously thought he was insane. "Uh, yeah! Three days ago, you told me you loved me."

"So it would be awkward because I was being honest?" James asked, looking genuinely confused.

I sighed heavily in exasperation. "You _weren't_ being honest!"

James grinned. "Yes, I was."

We remained silent for a moment, before I found myself able to respond, suppressing my anger. Here he was again, going on about love like he actually understood it and felt that way toward me. The boy was bloody insane. "Why? Why do you think you love me?"

"Because…" James paused, not because he had no idea what he was going to say, you could tell from his face he was just finding the right words. "To me, everything about you is absolutely perfect. I wouldn't change you for the world."

I frowned. "You wouldn't change _anything_?"

He shook his head. "Not a single thing."

"I'm a compulsive liar." I stated, trying to prove him wrong. There had to be _some_ things about me that pissed him off. I knew I wasn't perfect, I'd accepted that, and I couldn't see how anyone could not find any flaws in someone.

"But you tell the truth when it's really important." James answered.

"I swear." I tried. "A lot."

James shrugged. "Everyone does."

"I hate losing."

"So does everyone. Some people pretend they don't care but everyone does, even if it's just a little bit." James answered wisely.

"I have a horrible temper." I tried again.

James laughed, and I stood, looking at him in amazement. He had a deep, throaty laugh, so you knew he was laughing right from his gut and really found you amusing, and his eyes got all crinkled, just like when he grinned. "You do." He agreed. "But you only let it get control over you when you're really frustrated with something or some_one_, or when you're angry over something you think is unfair."

I was stunned. How on earth did he know so much about me? I needed something to prove him wrong, show him he didn't love me, so he could get over his stupid infatuation and I could win. "I can't play quidditch."

That would get him. Everyone knew quidditch was one of James's favourite things to do, and he wasn't a friend to anyone who wasn't a quidditch fanatic. Sure, I loved the game, but I couldn't fly for my life.

"So? Quidditch is game, and I could fix that. I could have you being Gryffindor's star chaser in a matter of weeks." James replied casually.

My jaw dropped to the floor and I just stared at him in utter disbelief. This was James Potter, the immature prankster who had girls hanging off him, being mature and… sweet. What was the world coming to?

"That's why I decided the password would be 'perfection'," James continued, pretending to be oblivious to my shocked state. "To me, you are perfection."

"I'm not perfect, Potter." I muttered quietly. "I'm _not_."

"To me, you – " James began again, before I interrupted him again.

"_No_, I'm _not_. Not to you, not to anyone. I'm Lily."

I left him standing there, looking quite bewildered. The poor boy probably was quite confused, considering how romantic and sweet he had just been and how I'd just completely blown him off. I marched down the stairs, out of the common room, and all the way up to Gryffindor Tower, slamming the door of the seventh year girls' dormitory as I entered.

Alice and Bridget looked up from their Potions essays with rather bemused expressions, and Posy came in from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel with wet hair.

"Alright there, Lil?" Bridget asked with an amused tone.

"No, I'm not alright." I replied, ignoring Bridget's sarcastic tone and relaying the entire scene to my three friends, including every word James Potter had uttered, which I seemed to remember exactly.

"Well," Bridget began as I finished. "To someone who doesn't know you, you _do_ seem perfect."

"How so?!?" I demanded.

"Top of the class in almost everything – "

"Except Potions, Transfiguration, and Divination!" I protested.

"You don't _take_ Divination, Lil." Alice reminded softly.

"That's not the point!" I cried.

"You're gorgeous, you're Head Girl. You've had one of Hogwarts's most eligible bachelors chasing after you since third year!" Bridget continued.

That wasn't true. I wasn't gorgeous. I found myself quite creepy looking. In fact, my legs were too long for the rest of my body. The Head Girl part was true, and I suppose James had been chasing after me for a while, but that wasn't my fault. "But – "

"You have _amazing_ friends." Posy added with a wicked grin.

"A great family." Alice added. "A great boyfriend for that matter."

"Err… _had_ a great boyfriend, actually." I corrected.

"You mean he _dumped_ you?" Posy asked, looking absolutely outraged. I looked at Bridget, who shared a look similar to Posy's, and Alice who looked sympathetic.

"No, I dumped him."

Posy looked relieved. "Oh, good."

"Why'd you dump Mr. Perfection?" Bridget asked curiously.

"I needed a break." I answered simply.

Alice smiled reassuringly. "No worries, Lil, I'm sure he'll take you back if you want him."

Bridget and I both gasped, but Posy looked pleased. When we averted our shocked looks to Posy, she just shrugged. "What? Alice is right. Amos is completely whipped. You could get him back without trying Lil, I'm surprised he hasn't told you he loves you yet."

"Actually…" I corrected again. "He has."

It was Posy's turn to look gob smacked. "Uh, _when_?"

"Train ride." Alice answered.

"And she said 'Thanks'" Bridget added with a chuckle.

Posy gave me a look. "Maybe it's a good thing you're on this 'break' then."

"I'm not perfect though." I said stubbornly.

My friends laughed.

"No, you're not, Lil, and we love you for it, but he probably thinks you are." Bridget said with a grin.

"He doesn't know much about you, so he's basing his opinions of you on what he sees." Alice agreed.

-----

"Potter, I need a word." I said briskly as I cornered him at dinner that night. Having finished my discussion with Posy, Alice and Bridget earlier, I had come up with a plan to get James to realize that I wasn't perfect after all.

He looked up; slightly surprised I was talking to him again. His three friends looked up too, Remus giving me a small wave, Sirius giving me a look of awe, obviously still amazed I'd sworn, and Peter looking clueless as always.

"Privately." I added more softly, but Sirius whooped in excitement anyways.

"That's not fair!" Sirius protested. "I'll _speak_ with you privately." He said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

I glared at him as James stood and followed me out of the Great Hall, similarly to the way I'd followed Amos just that morning. I had to jog slightly to keep ahead of him since his strides were so long, so I was breathing a bit rapidly when I stopped, several corridors away from the Great Hall, where I knew we wouldn't be heard.

"I want to prove to you that I'm not perfect."

"Oh?" James replied, looking slightly bewildered.

"Yes. We need to be civil as Head Girl and Boy, and I figure we ought to just be mates to make things easier. Then you can learn about the real me, and get over this stupid little crush you call love. Alright?"

I was surprised at how honest I sounded, speaking so swiftly and acting so businesslike. James chuckled softly. "Fine, Evans."

"You…" I paused for a moment, thinking and hoping that maybe this was a dream, and I wasn't about to say this. "You can call me Lily."

I don't think I'd ever seen James's face so shocked, it was quite an enjoyable sight actually. His eyes widened, his jaw dropped and his eyebrows soared upward. And I laughed; I couldn't help how funny his reaction was.

When he realized it was him who I was laughing at, he blushed slightly. "Fine, Lily. I'll talk to you later okay? We never really did go over patrolling schedules."

I blushed slightly too. "Oh yeah. All right. Head common room at seven?"

"Yeah. The new password's 'Sirius Black is ugly.'"

I frowned. "New password?"

"Yeah. The Fat Lady said that passwords should be not-often used words, and I figured 'perfection' was one of them, as passersby could be referring to anyone really, particularly Sirius or I." He grinned cockily.

I smirked. "So it's 'Sirius Black is ugly' now?"

"Yup. I mean, I'm not gay or anything, but would anyone actually say that Sirius Black is ugly?"

"No, probably not." I conceded.

"Exactly." James added, obviously quite proud of his idea.

"I gotta hand it to you, James. You're not as stupid as I thought."


End file.
